Smackdown Summarised 4th June
Another week, another episode of Smackdown. I'm still fuming about the Lucifer spoilers, but this Smackdown numbed the pain ever so slightly, a bit different to how Jeff Hardy numbed the pain of a bad show... anyway, let's go!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. It’s Josh P here back with yet another Smackdown review. It’s Friday… you know what that means! Total Nonstop Action on Smackdown (definitely didn’t steal that from anywhere!) After Raw this week, there wasn’t exactly anything to compete with due to how shocking Monday’s episode was. But, I digress. Let’s go!
Reigns has the Usos on reins
The show kicked off like normal with the Tribal Chief and his special council. He wasn’t happy the Usos had decided to go ahead with the tag team match tonight, and he sounded like a disapproving dad to his son and his new girlfriend after finding out they didn’t use protection. Reigns sounded so psychotic that Netflix got in contact with him about being the lead in a new serial killer series.
Roman and Heyman agreed that if the Usos were to lose, they would feel the wrath of the Tribal Chief and I can hear the belt being prepared as we speak. Reigns asked his cousins to join him in the ring, and Jimmy still has a death wish as he said he was the one ‘calling the shots.’ Roman says he calls his own shots, stating he gets the job done and so should they before leaving the ring slower than the Undertaker’s entrance on a long ramp. He probably needed a drinks break half way down!
The match between Rey and Dominik and the Usos for the Smackdown tag team titles then followed. Dominik and Rey had control early on, making quick tags between them. This momentum was stopped quicker than a sexual assault claim against any WWE superstar as Jey was tagged in, hitting a double team with his partner.
Outside, Jey dropped Rey on the barricade before tagging Jimmy in. Rey sent Jimmy back to the outside and tried to hit a baseball slide but Jey caught him with a samoan drop onto the announcers table, which made me feel wetter than a teenager’s bed after his first wet dream. Dominik was tagged in and hit a huge neckbreaker before running into a kick like Tony Khan ran into his office to grab the phone after hearing Braun Strowman and Aleister Black had been released (don’t get me started on that!!!)
Jimmy took a hurricanrana from the top rope before reversing the 619 with a superkick that would’ve made Shawn Michaels proud. Jimmy went for the splash but Dom got his knees up before hitting the most devastating move in allllllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up, to get the victory and retain the titles. However, replays showed Jimmy clearly got his shoulders up, before zooming in on the ref who looked like he had forgot to turn the cooker off before he left the house. My amazing personal photographer managed to get a live shot of the ref as he was making the pin:
Well that explains it! There’s the next specsavers advert already prepared.
Backstage after the match, Roman was furious and asked to see his cousins and with the way he was acting, I could only imagine he discovered one of them had gone full Ric Flair and slept with his wife. The Usos were just as fuming as Reigns and the Bluniversal champion told them to make it right by talking to ‘management’ and I couldn’t figure out whether he meant Adam Pearce or the boss at his local chippy who forgot the Tribal Chief’s salt and vinegar. Roman accidentally mixed up his two cousins, before they both stormed off.
Drip more impressive than the amount of Vince McMahons sidepieces
Seth Rollins was then being interviewed by Kayla Braxton and the suit… oh the suit! As always words could never do it justice so I’m just going to show you a picture.
Just wow. Honestly words will never be able to describe how much I love his dress sense. It never fails to make me laugh! Starting from this week, we’ll be giving all his suits a name, and a rating out of ten. Welcome to: Seth’s suit of the week! Name- The Blossoming Bastard, Rating - 8.5/10. Honestly Becky doesn’t know what she has in that man, never let him go.
Backstage Bonanza P1
Chad (the most American name ever) Gable was then backstage and told the Street Profits they could profit from new management. Stealing my jokes, I see how it is. Josh P v Chad Gable feud starts now, strap yourselves in, I’m going to knock him down so many pegs, he’ll become Shorty G again. The profits gave him a hard no before walking off and I’m planning to interrupt his promo next week, as we all know that's how a feud starts in WWE. stay tuned!
The Usos came into the office and who was waiting? Michael Scott! Nope, unfortunately it was only Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville. The Brothers asked for a rematch, they said they’d review it and they’ll take the circumstances into consideration before making a call, all this seems awfully familiar…
Well, if they take as long as VAR do, we’ll get the rematch at next year’s Wrestlemania!
On WWE you only Liv once… before getting released
Carmella then had a random match with Liv Morgan and I predicted a Riott! Oh shit yeah… false alarm she isn’t here anymore, moving on. Carmella bitch slapped Morgan to kick off the match, which looked weaker than Eva Marie. Liv then sent the former women’s champ into the barricades and almost broke her back, something she’s been trying to get Corey Graves to do for months. She then proceeded to drop Carmella on the apron, which David Attenborough told me was the hardest part of the ring!!!
Carmella finally turned the tide with a big boot in the ring, before missing elbows in the corner, which were further away than my sister’s dad… oops! Liv missed a dive before taking Mella down with a backbreaker and she really focused on doing what Corey Graves couldn’t! Corey Graves v Liv Morgan, winner gets to shag Carmella, scheduled for Summerslam. Carmella finally locked in the Code of Silence, which everyone in the WWE was made to sign after the recent releases. Twitter is a dangerous place! Morgan tapped out and she’s now a bigger jobber than Stan, if you know, you know.
Backstage on Smackdown, Pearce told The Mysterios they’d have to defend again due to the referee’s mistake. They must’ve slipped the VAR review team 50 quid to speed up the process, in terms of the show, it still took half an hour, a new record for VAR!! They’re on the up, which is the opposite of Raw’s ratings.
The fact the feud is continuing is really tESTing my patience
Belair was in the ring and said that everyone was laughing at Bayley, but the former champ was starting to get to her. She said the role model had tested her patience enough and she challenged her to yet another match. Because if every feud doesn’t have at least 18,380 matches, then the world will be invaded by an army of aliens the size of Andre the Giant with the speed of Rey Mysterio, so for that, thanks WWE for saving our lives!
Bayley showed up on the titantron and mocked Belair some more, stating she wasn’t even in the building, she was sitting in her Oasis, which is either a bath of the drink, or a bed filled with members of the band. Much to my disappointment, it was neither. She was sat in a room filled with posters of her. Every screen in the thunderdome then showed Bayley’s face laughing maniacally, I may have nightmares for days to come now. It reminded me of the way my uncle made sure he was the only face in my room at night in the dark, come to think of it, that may explain the mysterious touching.
Otis was backstage next on Smackdown and wanted the street profits to apologize to my new rival, Chad. They told him Gable was holding him back, before Otis got angry and attacked them.
Bad vibrations… from the crown?
Rick Boogs was back again, the man with a name and face that would make him better suited to Family Guy. Corbin had yet another match with Nakamura, because we don’t want that army of aliens invading! So thanks again WWE for saving our lives!
Not much to mention here, basically a copy and paste job from the last few weeks. It doesn’t mean the match itself was bad, but I’m sick of seeing the same thing week after week. They have less ideas than NWA did a few days ago regarding their match card for When Our Shadows Fall. Long story short after some strikes, Corbin hit the most devastating move in allllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up, for the ‘shock win.’ I would like to see a new feud, but as we already know, WWE are as clueless as that Portuguese child’s parents are as to where their daughter is and I still can’t think of her name!!!
Boogs and Nakamura attacked Corbin after the match, yet again taking his crown and I’ll say it again, if this doesn’t lead to a ladder match I will officially be more pissed than Brad Maddox when he discovered Porno Paige got a new play partner for the hub.
Owens caught a case of a rare DAziz
Backstage, General Aziz attacked Kevin Owens prior to his match against Apollo Crews, where Aziz was banned from ringside. Owens decided to participate in the match regardless of his condition and he walked to the ring with a limp like a girl would after being fingered by her boyfriend whose just eaten hot wings.
Crews unloaded on his opponent as soon as the bell rang and stayed in control for a large portion of the match. Owens came back after a senton which he followed with a german suplex before going for the swanton bomb, but Crews managed to get his knees up. The IC champ hits a standing moonsault so perfect I had to get some lube prepared, which was followed by a suplex only for KO to kick out twice.
Owens hit consecutive superkicks and a pop up powerbomb for a near fall of his own. Owens was on the top rope and took a death valley driver on the apron, which as mentioned earlier, I’ve now discovered Is the hardest part of the ring!!! Crews finally managed to get him back in the ring and get the pin to retain the title. What a match and was by far the best thing to happen on the entire show.
Sami Zayn ran to the ring after and hit a helluva kick on Owens, stating it was Karma. Personally, I think it’s harsh to blame it on her considering she hasn’t been on the show in so long!!!
The street profits then challenged Alpha Academy to a match this week and they dropped me a call to see if I fancied being in their corner. Unfortunately, Adam Pearce said no, but we all know how easy it is to get past WWE security nowadays.
Rey Rey Rey’s with his son, gently they walk to the ring, if they see the tribal chief, don’t forget to scream
I think we all know my talents would be better suited to a songwriter!!! Anyway, the rematch of the match that started the show then finished the show. The match was very similar to the first, so I’m not going to go into as much detail as it was more or less copy and paste with a few new spots dotted between the already used ones. However, Rey set up for the 619 on Jimmy and he told his son to finish it with the frog splash. Out of nowhere, Roman Reigns turned up, hitting Dom with a superman punch from the top rope and then Rey with a spear.
The Head of the Table continued to destroy his opponents like he’d just discovered they were vegan, because we all know Reigns is anti-vegan with his beefy body. He then proceeded to pick up the steel steps and hit Dom with them before doing the same to Rey and bragging about his family’s legacy while beating them like an abusive father, like he’d teased he was going to do to the Usos if they lost, so I don’t want to imagine what it will be like for those lads when they get home tonight. Dom was taking a beating before locking in the guillotine. Jimmy told him to cut it out and said ‘not like this.’ Jimmy walked off but Jey held Roman back in the ring, Roman was still mad and continued to beat poor Dom as Smackdown went off air.
Overall, a pretty solid episode of Smackdown. The Intercontinental title match was a clear highlight, as was the developing Roman Reigns and the Usos conflict/brotherhood, I have no idea anymore.
We all knew it couldn’t be worse than Raw, but at least Smackdown lived up to its reputation. Quick side note, Seth Rollins is an absolute legend, and his suits better never change because they’re the greatest thing I’ve ever seen! Anyway that’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review.