Smackdown Summarised 28th May
Another week, another Smackdown. This show was more 50/50 than WWE's booking. Anyway let's go!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. It’s Josh P here back with another Smackdown review. Whereas Raw let us down as usual, we can always count on Smackdown to lift our spirits again. Just remind me, never get Roman Reigns mad. I don’t fancy being turned into human mac & cheese! Anyway, let’s go!
The Uso penitrationary!
Smackdown kicked off with the tribal chief and his two cousins, who were talking about their plan for their match against the Street Profits. Jimmy said they were trying to score championship gold like Vince trying to score that Saudi Arabia money in the middle of a global pandemic. Reigns wished them the best of luck before Jey Uso basically sucked off Reigns by assuring him even though they have their own match, their loyalty remains with the head of the table. Now we know why he’s the ‘head’ of the table! I’m hilarious I know.
To kick off Smackdown properly, the Street Profits were in the ring and basically took the piss out of their opponents, stating Reigns lives rent free in their heads. The Usos then came back with insults a year two teacher would be proud of before the two teams squared up and the match began.
The match began with Ford and Jimmy in the ring. Jimmy gained control early before tagging in Jey who looked so mad you’d think he was a fan who just found out Charlotte got another title shot. He kept control for a while before Ford caught him with an arm bar before tagging in Dawkins for the double team. Jimmy was tagged back in and cut the ring in half and started acting like pure dicks with heel work Ric Flair would get hard over. Montez then got the typical hot tag, and tossed the Uso’s over the top rope before hitting a suicide dive. Quick side note, the commentators need to stop saying tossed so much, I think I hear Michael Cole breathing heavier every time it’s said, and we don’t want a Corey Graves situation, if you read the Raw reviews you’ll get what I mean. The heels then regained momentum and took out Ford for a large majority of the match, isolating him from his partner like Boris had just announced another lockdown. As Dawkins and Jey took each other out at ringside, Jimmy hit Ford with a superkick for the win. A great match to start Smackdown that gave me some sort of faith the company still had some decent booking, although we all know how rare that is these days.
I predict a riot… from me!
Women’s tag team action next…
The only positive to take is the fact it’s not Jaxuler again, however the match was ten times worse than any of the matches the team I previously mentioned have had. I am going on strike for this match. Yep! I’m going to do less than Goldberg does to get a world title. Shit match, Riott squad attacked Tamina and Natalya before their match, only to lose after Tamina, just in case you’ve forgotten there’s no one meaner, hit the superfly splash and got the victory. I cared less about this than WWE does about their tag division. Let’s move on quicker than Nikki Bella after breaking up with Cena!
Backstage, the all-powerful Adam Pearce granted the Usos a title shot on next week’s Smackdown, can’t wait for the DQ!
More cheap shots than a pub on Blackpool high street
Before the match between Carmella and Bianca Belair, Bayley snuck up from behind the commentary team and joined them. Carmella sent the champ to the outside early, only for her to be chucked back in the ring via a deadlift. While the ref was distracted, Carmella hit the first of many cheap shots before unloading on her opponent in the corner, beating her like Neil beat that fish in the inbetweeners. If you know, you know. Belair then regained control by hitting a modified fallaway slam which was cleaner than your arsehole after the 500th wipe. Don’t ask who was counting. Carmella hit another cheap shot before sending Bianca into the steel ringpost, followed by an attempt for a code of silence. This was countered, only to be cancelled out by yet another cheap shot. I’m surprised she wasn’t hammered after the amount she did in that match! Bianca finally hit the KOD to get the victory over Carmella, who couldn’t even win using every trick in the heel playbook.
Backstage, the Mysterios were confident about their title defence against Rudolph tonight.
Fashion that deserves its own separate category
Seth Rollins is officially the best. He was out next on Smackdown but his suit was nothing short of ridiculous and I loved it. I physically can’t do it justice by describing it so here’s a photo:
Wow, just wow. He was out to celebrate his birthday, and apparently his way of celebrating is by reminiscing about beating up Cesaro last week. Bit weird if you ask me, but whatever you’re into Seth! He once again says he ‘blacked out’ like Jeff Hardy after a sesh on a Friday, and blamed the fans. I hope somebody got him a therapist for his birthday, the fella needs it. Apparently the WWE universe ‘brainwashed’ the Swiss Superman into thinking he could get in the Messiah’s way without there being any consequences. He looked at the camera and called the viewers guilty before singing himself happy birthday. I’ve never laughed so hard at a promo, from the ridiculous suit, to the crazy excuses of being brainwashed, followed by the best version of happy birthday I’ve ever heard. Well played Seth Rollins!
Apollo Crews, Crews! He’s never losing his gold, Kevin’s got the power to know, Aziz is unbeatable, never believe in, Crews losing
Well we all know my talents would be better suited to a songwriter! The Intercontinental title was on the line again next, which seems to be being defended more than a cross in the Premier League. Owens was facing against Crews, and as soon as the bell rang, KO unloaded on the champ and gained a near fall immediately. Apollo then dodged a big move and hit a dropkick to even things out. Apollo then dodged a powerbomb, only to receive a stunner. The champion was nearly pinned, but Aziz hit the Nigerian nail and caused the DQ. We should’ve seen this coming, because the IC title is never actually defended, every match just ends in a DQ. It’s just as pointless as it would be to give Drew Gulak the Raw women’s title. Hey, it’s WWE, you never know!
Backstage Bonanza P1
Backstage, it appeared as If Roman was unhappy with Jey for getting a tag title shot. The tribal chief was unhappy things didn’t go according to his plan for once. I must say this man is a bigger psycho than psycho Sid.
Ricky Boogs confronted Shinsuke Nakamura backstage and spoke total gibberish. It felt as if I was watching Looney Toons in German with Spanish subtitles accompanied with French music.
Was he G’able’ to be victorious?
Without any explanation at all, Otis and Chad Gable were back on Smackdown. Otis attacked the king of strong style before his match with his partner/trainer/sex subject, I don’t know any more. Gable hit two big German suplexes as soon as the match begun capitalizing on the attack beforehand, only for Nakamura to retaliate with two big kicks. The match was still taking place when King Corbin came out in a suit and just walked away with the crown Nakamura had stolen from him. However, this didn’t seem to faze Nakamura who hit the Kinshasa for the three count. I think Chad Gable has now lost more matches than all the women who have been impregnated by Vince have lost babies combined, and that’s apparently a very high number according to a very reliable source!
After the match, Corbin was mocking Nakamura with the crown before Ricky Boogs attacked him from behind, allowing Shinsuke to re capture the crown.
Backstage Bonanza P2
Backstage, Owens was injured and demanded a rematch for the Intercontinental title. Adam Pearce agreed and also banned Aziz from ringside.
We then cut to see Rey Mysterio had been attacked and injured backstage, how very original WWE… Not! Rey said there was no way the match would happen but Dominik said he’d go alone. Rey let him, so the worst father of the year award goes to, you guessed it, Rey Mysterio.
All by Myself, my dad left me, all by myselfffffff!
Again, we all know my talents would be better suited to a songwriter! The match begun and Dominik was alone and took a beating from the challengers. Dom managed to kick out of every pin attempt, but hardly got any offense in as Rudolph made quick tags and took it in turns to try and basically kill their opponent. He finally fought back and drove Roode to the outside and threw Ziggler over the top rope and hit a big suicide dive on both opponents. At this point the commentators described Dom as an up and comer and all I could think is isn’t he already a champion? They said he was up and coming like he’s fucking in an elevator. Anyway, before I get more distracted than Vince when he notices a pair of tits, Dom had Ziggler set for the 619 only for it to be reversed into a zig zag for a near fall. Roode had Dom on his shoulders ready to end the match before Rey’s music played, causing a long enough distraction to allow Dominik to hit the most devastating move in allllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up, and get the win and retain the titles.
After the match, Rey came down to congratulate his son and celebrate with him, before the Usos came down and stared off the champions, before Smackdown went off air.
Overall, a very solid episode! There was a lot of filler, but the matches themselves weren’t bad. The women’s tag match was shocking, and the absence of Aleister Black made me particularly disappointed. Speaking of filler, Becky made Seth filler with magic juice and now they have a baby! So filler isn’t always bad. Okay I promise I’ll stop saying filler now. Anyway that’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review!