Smackdown Summary 21st May
Another Week, another Smackdown. After Raw this show has lots to live up to. So did it deliver, or did it flop like Corey Graves' dick when Carmella wants him to get on top? Anyway, let's go!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. It’s Josh P here back with another Smackdown review. After this week’s Raw there was a lot to compete with, so let’s find out whether it lived up to the standards of the show earlier in the week. At least we know we won’t have to talk about Damien Priest against the Miz and Morrison for this whole review!
Is she Deface? Or Devillain?
To be honest she changes from face to heel or vice versa more than the Big Show. Anyway, this week’s show kicked off with the positive news that the thunderdome era would come to an end in early July, making way for live shows once again. She then continued to congratulate all of the champions on Smackdown, before introducing Roman Reigns. Quick side note, Deville looked like an Aldi Matrix character with a suit James Bond would be proud of. Reigns came down towards the ring holding his Blueniversal title and walked slower than Steven Hawking at the lowest speed of his wheelchair. Give Steven 10 minutes to type his reply, we’ll get back to you soon! Long story short, His special council Paul Heyman says Reigns won’t be participating in the titleholder’s parade, and will celebrate his reign in his own time at his say.
She was Bayled out
Struggling for headings today people! Bayley then interrupted and took the piss out of every champion except Apollo Crews, and I can only assume she is now on the list of Reigns, whether that’s a list of enemies or people he wants to bone we don’t know. Bianca had heard enough and got in the ring, as Bayley was about to retreat, Nia and Shayna, God save us, attacked the Women’s champion from behind. Natalya and Tamina, who there’s apparently no one meaner or something I have no idea, then came to Bianca’s aid and set up a 6 women’s tag match, I can’t wait, I’m so thrilled… NO. Just please let me lay in a bath of acid.
This match then followed immediately after, and I decided to get the juggling balls out to entertain myself in this match. Here is a live photo of my attempt:
I guess you could say I was on fire! Anyway team ding dong controlled the match early on until Tamina, who there’s no one meaner than by the way, hit a not so hot tag to Natalya who also got her ass kicked by Baszler. Bianca was then tagged in and ran wild, countering the kirifuda clutch and hitting a big dive from the top rope to the outside on her opponents, looking like she injured her knee in the process. After a bayley-to-belly suplex to Belair on the outside, Back in the ring, Natalya, who loses more matches than I would if I faced Bobby Lashley every week, got caught in the kirifuda clutch and tapped out handing the win to the team of Bayley and Jaxuler, my new name for Jax and Baszler. An average match at best, carried by Belair’s in ring talent and Bayley’s pure ridiculousness.
Aleister Black then had chapter 4 of his backstory, and said he will be returning soon to ‘cull the herd,’ which sounds like a new party game that would put pass the parcel to shame. More on Black to follow later… should’ve specified, I meant Aleister, don’t get too excited.
The Crown is Nakamura’s new vibrator!
I couldn’t help but notice in Nakamura’s entrance the vibrations looked a bit too real, then it came to me… The crown is actually a vibrator and that’s why Corbin went bald! The more you know hey?
Corbin stated he was mad he took his vibrating crown and he’d punish him for taking it, and I’m starting to think this feud belongs on fifty shades of grey. The match between the two followed and we need a ladder match for the vibrating crown, yes that’s right I said it and am I ashamed to say I’d enjoy it? Hell no!
Corbin started off with some strong strikes before hitting a huge powerslam. But it’s time. We have high thoughts with Josh on Raw, so I decided to introduce something to Smackdown… welcome to Josh’s controversial opinions that will make you want to murder me. This weeks opinion: Corbin is one of the best heels in WWE and deserves a world title reign. That’s right come at me. Corbin stayed in control and hit a near fall closer than Byron Saxton is to busting a nut when he sees a meaty woman in the ring.
Yep, we know Byron, now put it back in your pants! After Boogs, the man who played Nakamura’s theme, started playing the guitar on the announce table, Corbin got distracted allowing Nakamura to hit the most devastating move in alllllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up. That makes it 87,983 times there’s been a finish where there’s a distraction leading to a roll up victory this week. I’m starting to think the creative team have less ideas than Steven Hawking does for a reply from earlier, he’s taking his time, eh?
Backstage Bonanza P1
Backstage, Jimmy Uso asked Sonya Deville for a tag team match with his brother Jey against the Street Profits next week and she accepted. I’m excited to see these two men back in action, we need some spice in the tag divison.
Kevin Owens said he’ll win the Intercontinental Title in the fatal four way match later this evening.
Celebrate good times, Roman Reigns!
I’m starting to think my talents would be better suited to a songwriter at this point. Most of these review titles are basically a musical at this point, you can’t say I don’t treat you well! Yours and my tribal chief Roman Reigns then briefed us on his victory against Cesaro at the shit show known as Backlash. I must say the Backlash from the show was deserved! He then asked Heyman to ‘celebrate him’ and I could only assume we were going to get another live sex show. Much to all of our disappointment, all Heyman did was list off Roman’s achievements one by one in his usual over the top way before Roman asked for Jimmy Uso.
Instead of Lil’ Jimmy, Cesaro came out instead, and I must say, I’m sure his parents would be proud of him for coming out on live TV! He challenged the head of the table to a rematch at hell in the cell, before Rollins attacked him and yet again injured his arm. Now the poor fella can’t even wank! I feel for the guy. Rollins was sent off once, but returned back to hit Cesaro with a curb stomp on the steel ramp, turning him into prime Steven Hawking. Speaking of who, he finally replied! His words were ‘"haha" very anticlimactic, cheers Steve! Cesaro was then stretchered away, which is the first time that has happened in the thunderdome apparently.
Backstage, Rollins insisted he’d blacked out during the incident. He then ran towards Cesaro and blamed him for what happened, all while having a look in his eyes that suggested Cesaro just ate the last chocolate digestive in his cupboard. This side of Rollins was interesting, and was reminiscent of how Reigns has been acting. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.
Well, that was Roode!
It’s official, Dominik and Rey are the worst faces in WWE. They act like dicks, and always win by cheating, I think it’s time we get that DNA test for Dominik because he acts much more like Eddie than he does Rey. Where’s Jeremy Kyle gone when you need him the most? Roode was facing Dominik, and one half of Rudolph had a short flurry in the beginning, only to be followed by a top rope crossbody and tornado DDT courtesy of his opponent before setting up for the 619. Rey then tried to interfere, which makes total sense considering he’s a good guy, only to be stopped by Ziggler. Dominik then hit the 619, followed by a frog splash which looked weak as piss, before getting a cheap victory. That win was so cheap you’d expect to see it in Lidl and even then, Lidl may be too expensive for a win like that. It was dirtier than Triple H with his sledgehammer in the bedroom.
Backstage Bonanza P2
Jimmy Uso then told Jey about the tag match next week, and his brother was not pleased he had made the match. Jey then went to Reigns to tell him but he shrugged it off and ordered him to focus on the tribal chief and not his own career. The tension here was stronger than the tension when XXXavier Woods sees Paige backstage. If you know, you know. If you don’t, stay innocent.
The Street Profits were then back on Smackdown after being missing more than Byron Saxton on commentary in a match. They were sure that Jimmy Uso would be ditched by his brother Jey next week and would have to face them alone.
Fade at the Back Please Barber. Wait Fade to Black? What!
Main event time next, and I did not expect that! I was excited beforehand, as the fatal four way match between Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Big E and Apollo Crews was sure to be better than finding out your ex and her new lover have a bad case of gonorrhea.
Big E took control early, and hit a splash to both Sami Zayn and Apollo Crews on the apron, and I’ve heard rumours that’s the hardest part of the ring! This only led to him being taken out by a dive written and signed for by KO who was standing tall. No one man had control any longer than 10 seconds, as momentum shifted more than a prostitute has to change underwear in a day. Owens hit a huge brainbuster for a near fall and Big E hit everyone with suplexes, before receiving a splash from Owens, leading to another close fall. Big E hit the Big Ending, looking like the end of the match, before Aziz pulled him out of the ring, preventing him from getting the three count.
Then people, it happened! Big E sent Aziz into the ringpost as the lights in the thunderdome acted weirdly, looking like a dodgy Retribution prank. But then, Aleister Black emerged, making me pop more than any of Andre the Giant’s shirts did. I immediately knew my sheets would need a deep clean as he made his way to the ring. Interestingly, he confronted Big E and delivered a black mass allowing Crews to retain his title. Everything about this match was incredible from start to finish, and the return of Black made me harder than viagra could even come close to. Smackdown then faded to black.
Well, Smackdown was nothing special overall, but the main event had everything you could’ve wished for. As a massive Aleister Black fan as many of you know, his return couldn’t have made me any more excited and a feud with him and Big E is certain to blow everyone away. This Smackdown was incredible and worth every second of my time and it’s the first week where both shows have been nothing short of amazing. If every week is like this, mark my words, I will never complain about a Women’s tag match again! Okay I lied, but this show has got me feeling some kind of way, as has Raw. Anyway, that’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review!