Smackdown Summarised: 2nd July 2021

Another week, another Smackdown. This show was better than messing around on Photoshop with lube at the ready for that masterpiece you created!

Smackdown Summarised: 2nd July 2021

Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! It’s Josh P here back with another Smackdown review. Sorry for it being slightly later than usual, surprisingly I do have some sort of a life... Yeah, you aren’t buying that are you? Anyway enough is enough, we have another week of MITB qualifiers on Smackdown and we had a surprising (and underwhelming) return. So what are we waiting for? Let’s go!

Roman’s pushed him to the Edge!

To kick off the show, Edge showed us his little Rated R Superstar… Okay, that didn’t happen. He showed us a video from this year’s mania and he stated he believed he had the Edge (I’m a horny bastard for word play) over the Tribal Chief. He said he was confident he would be Bluniversal champion by the end of Money in T’ Bank.

Backstage in Roman’s locker room, which now gets more screen time than any NXT call up ever, Jimmy told Paul "Hey-Man, what’s up?" that he’ll take out Edge to give Roman the Edge over him. Still preferred the Hey-Man line personally but each to their own I guess!

I’d rather watch a Crews at Sea than Apollo at the minute

Okay wrestling ability? Incredible. But Aziz needs to deep throat a crocodile’s teeth because he totally takes any of this magic away with an awful ending, and with the amount of tag matches involving Big E you’d think Teddy Long was back in charge. It was Big E and Nakamura facing Apollo and Corbin, because if Corbin and Nakamura don’t face, or Big E and Apollo aren’t on opposite teams for a tag match every show then the world will explode quicker than me when I see a slingblade, so in that case thanks to WWE for saving our lives! Wow they save our lives so much!

Anyway, into the match. Nakamura took early control for his team by hitting a huge knee to Apollo’s gut in the corner. Big E was tagged in and picked up where Shinsuke left off and continued to destroy the champ like he was a 5’0 porn star, getting a near fall as a result. Corbin got tagged in but he was reluctant to get in the ring like he’d just discovered the mysterious stains were from XXXavier Woods’ late night sessions around the performance center. Corbin was knocked off the apron, but proceeded to send Big E into the barricade. This momentum was stopped quicker than any RK-Bro gets though as back in the ring, and yes I’m about to say this, Corbin got distracted by the titantron as it showed his car getting towed which allowed Big E to hit the most devastating move in alllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up and get the win. Okay, Jesus here come the questions! Who decided "Oh yeah, let’s whack a camera on this?" Which nobhead in production was half way through eating coco pops and decided to show this on the big screen to the whole world? And why is the conspiracy against Corbin starting to catch up to Sami Zayn’s? Moving swiftly on...

Seen this more than WWE wings any Minor PPV as they go

Yes, I used the word minor, get your minds out of the gutter! Bayley was out next and I’m sure you’ll be as thrilled as I was to discover that this feud’s continuing. Long story short they’re going to have another match at the PPV but this time it will be an I quit match. I like the variety between match types to keep it fairly fresh, but I’ve seen this feud for months now and I’d rather have sex with an octopus, and they’re aliens! I will not allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

Backstage, Jimmy told Hey-Man that he is going to call out Edge later in the evening. So in simple terms, ‘we’re desperate to maintain viewership so we beg you stick around!’

This match was InZayn!!!

This match was better than finally allowing yourself to break the seal after downing some alcohol. Where do we start! Taking notes was harder than it is to last a full match with Nia Jax without getting injured, and we all know how difficult that is! Owens unloaded early and hit a cannonball straight away, before tossing Zayn to the outside. The action continued at a higher pace than Princess Diana when driving, well was driving, as both men chucked each other into the barricades. Why I hear you ask? Because why the heck not! KO sent Zayn over the barricades and crashing into the thunderdome screens almost killing poor Dave from Stevenage who was only trying to have a pint of Carling. Poor Dave! Anyway, Owens hit a swanton bomb and at this rate I decided both men were trying to kill each other. Owens was about to hit a dive on the announcer’s desk, But Sami dropped him onto it instead. KO decided he was bored so he stacked two tables casually like they were two ten pence coins at ringside, but Sami managed to fight out of being suplexed through them. Zayn hit an exploder suplex in the corner as the action returned to the ring. Owens responded with a brainbuster from the top rope which looked incredible. Keeping up? Trust me, I struggled too! They didn’t give me a break either, as Zayn pushed KO off the top rope and sent him into the stacked tables on the outside, which if you have a good wrestling brain you’d have known KO would be going through them for ages as he set them up.

You might as well call me Einstein at this point! This still somehow wasn’t the finish as Kevin powered out. Zayn must have been doing his research as he hit Owens with a suplex on the apron, and as we all know that’s the hardest part of the ring!!! Zayn decided he’d had enough so hit three consecutive Helluva kicks to get the 1-2-and no!!! I Have no idea how he kicked out but I sprung out of bed and did a little dance than Reginald would be proud of. This match gave me an adrenaline boost cocaine could only dream of, as I stood up and bounced around like I had snorted a few lines. Owens turned the tables and hit a pop up powerbomb followed by a stunner, but this wasn’t enough either as Sami kicked out at the last millisecond. Owens went on a rampage, powerbombing Zayn through the announcer’s desk, a table and the apron, which did you know is the hardest part of the ring?! This was finally enough, bringing a match of the year contender to an end. This wouldn’t have been out of place on a Mania card, as it was truly incredible, and nothing could follow this.

Quick shoutout to Pat McAfee on commentary here, as he went absolutely mental for many spots and It brought a smile to my face, and he really livens up the commentary panel, Raw could benefit from a personality like him.

Backstage Bonanza P1

Edge was backstage and he said he was enough of Roman’s ‘dirty games’ which sounded like it belonged on an ad on Pornhub. He said he wasn’t stupid and knew it was a trap, but he said he’ll go out there anyway. Right, okay Edge you’ve lost your mind mate. Do you need a hug? It sounds like you have a deathwish! I wonder what Beth did...

Ricky Boogs was taunting Corbin, but he wasn’t in the mood. I know Corbin’s the heel in this situation, and one with plenty of heat, but I couldn’t help but feel bad for him here, which probably isn’t a great way to portray your heels WWE!

Zelina, she’s returned, she’s returned. Zelina, she’ll be gone, in a day or two!

Well, we all know my talents would be better suited to a songwriter at this rate! That was one of my better ones, and I’m proud. As you could probably have guessed by now, Zelina Vega was back as she was revealed to be the second MITB entrant representing Smackdown, and this made no sense. She’s been gone over a year, and everyone else has had to have a qualifying match but she rocks up and gets an opportunity straight away? She was set to face Liv Morgan who would be added to the ladder match if she could pick up a victory. Long story short, Vega got jobbed out, but I must say she took it like a champ and made Liv look great! Basically the match went under three minutes, and ended when Liv hit the most devastating move in alllllllllllllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up to get the win and join the MITB match.

Seth is freakin out!

Seth was backstage furious that he was overlooked as Edge got a Universal title opportunity whereas he did not, and he wanted a shot at the Money in the Bank. Sonya Deville and ScrapDaddyAP said he would have to beat Cesaro in their 274,384th match Next week to earn the place. But, it’s been a while! Welcome back to:

Name- Elton John’s off to space! Rating- 5/10. I love Seth’s suits, and here's a feel for the scale: 1 and 2 are very disappointing, 3 and 4 are satisfactory but could be better, 5 and 6 are good, 7 and 8 are great suits that make me love life, and 9 and 10 are in another world. So it may seem a low score, but I still like the suit, mostly because it’s purely ridiculous and he looks like some dodgy tinfoil!

Michael Angelo!

Otis was facing Angelo Dawkins one on one next and as a wise man once said: IT’S SQUASH TIME! Dawkins didn’t even get a move in as Otis tossed him around the ring like he was a ragdoll. He hit the Vader bomb to get the very brief and one sided victory.

Jimmy Dodgers, They Reigns supreme!

Jimmy was out next and called out Edge to the ring, trying to persuade him that it wasn’t a trap, but this was about as convincing as Shayna Bayzler’s singles run, who I recently found out hasn’t won a singles match in 150 days, yikes! So much for a monster… Edge obliged and headed out, before calling Jimmy ‘Roman’s Bitch’, which was a nice nod to a few weeks ago. I still don’t understand after all the resistance how Jimmy rocked up one show and decided he liked Roman all of a sudden, but hey, that’s WWE creative for you. He then headed to the ring initiating a brawl. Edge sent Uso into the ring posts, before he got the steel stairs, but he was met with a superkick. Edge got a kick in before managing to make Jimmy tap out with a submission hold, which was followed by a signature spear. Edge decided he wasn’t done so he broke off a piece of steel chair and locked in a facelock with it, which I can admit was very creative and something I haven’t seen in a while. And this was the end of Smackdown.

Overall, this was a very good episode of Smackdown. The announcement of an I quit match for MITB, a surprise return all be it underwhelming to an extent, the incredible Edge and Roman feud and of course the Last Man Standing match which stole the show to put it lightly. Seth Rollins v Cesaro (AGAIN??!) along with Shinsuke v Corbin (AGAIN???!!) were then scheduled as MITB qualifiers for next week’s show, to see who will join JoMo, Ricochet, Riddle, Drew, Owens and Big E in the MITB match. The women’s MITB match line up currently consists of Vega, Asuka, Naomi, Bliss, Nikki and Carmella. Tune in next week to see who’s added to those matches. That’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review!