Raw Round-up 3/5/21

Monday madness is back for another episode, the question is, was it good or bad?

Raw Round-up 3/5/21

Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. It’s Josh P here with my first raw review, and there’s a lot to get through, some good, some bad. So, what’re we waiting for? let’s go!

Omos loves to toss off men?

AJ Styles and Omos kicked off this weeks raw, and it’s the first time we’ve seen them since their big victory at WrestleMania, as they went missing like Brock Lesnar when he wins a World Title. They start with a promo in the ring and AJ asked if Omos wanted to toss the New Day off… I don’t know about you but it sounded a bit dodgy to me. Anyway the reason they hadn’t shown up to work was because they were busy partying in the Caribbean, sipping pina coladas.

Guess they did! Because it is the start of Raw however the New Day interrupted. AJ mocks Kofi for copying his style, and I can’t lie I got a kick out of this segment. This transitioned straight into a tag team title rematch from WrestleMania, and overall this was a good start to the show, which is rare for Raw.

No selling better than Goldberg when he’s not paid enough  

New Day v AJ and Omos for the tag titles was next.  Omos was tagged in immediately and started by no selling everything and throwing both Woods and Kofi around like a six year old with his wrestling figures. Styles tagged in but he argues with the ref claiming it was just a high five... hoping sanitiser was used beforehand. Woods hits a suicide dive and Kofi follows by jumping to the top turnbuckle and launching himself at Styles incredibly. New Day are in full control and they cut the ring in half, making sure Omos isn’t tagged in. The New Day hit the Unicorn stampede and I think this one move lasted longer than the weather delay at Wrestlemania night one. Omos finally gets tagged in and wrecks both members of the New Day, and he took less damage than someone whose played Mortal Combat for years playing on the easiest difficulty. AJ is then tagged in and he climbs onto Omos’ shoulder, then proceeds to jump and hit the phenomenal forearm to get the 1-2-3 and retain the tag titles. A great match and good start to Raw, also great to see the tag champs back on the show.

Backstage bonanza P1 

Here we see Sonya speaking with Charlotte again, leading to another argument between Deville and Pearce following the Queen’s departure. surely this has to result in them leading separate brands, the question is, who will draw the short straw of Raw? I’m a poet and I didn’t even… know I was rhyming those words.

Next we see a Woman sat on top of a Ferrari exclaiming she’s back where she belongs. And who is this woman you ask... it’s Eva Marie! After this video, Corey Graves looked like he had a bigger hard on than Edge in his live sex show with Lita. 

Lashley interview, he’s going to beat Braun later... that’s it... literally! 

Elias and Jackson Ryker then go to throw tomatoes at the new day as revenge for last week, however they hit Orton instead who didn’t look best pleased. Highlight of the whole segment was Riddle who just drove by on his scooter and said ‘sup Randy’ as he almost fell off his scooter because of the tomatoes ‘juices’.

Sonya gone rogue?

Charlotte v Dana Brooke... why, lord why. Dana Brooke missed basically every shot that was supposed to connect, her aim was worse than Timo Werner when he’s through on goal for Chelsea. Dana hardly got any offence in except one flurry which led to a near fall, but immediately after, Charlotte locks on the figure 8 and Dana taps out. However Mandy attacks Charlotte after the match and Sonya Deville makes her way down to the ring and stands in the ring with Charlotte, Deville basically hands a title shot to Flair and adds her to the match between Asuka and Ripley at Wrestlemania Backlash. I’m one of a small minority who likes Charlotte, but this was not the way to book this, why couldn’t you just have her attack Rhea or something? Anyway, Ripley interrupts and speaks what we were all thinking, basically this is crap and starts moaning like a teenage girl who has too much science homework on a Friday. Luckily Asuka saved the whole segment with her pure ridiculousness, and stands tall after a brief scuffle between the three afterwards. 

Humberto Carrillo interview followed. I had no idea what he was saying for half of it but I got saved by Sheamus who attacked him and almost killed poor Kayla Braxton in the process. 

Hey hey... no no! 

Miz and Morrison come down to the ring, and we find out the next match is Morrison against Damien Priest. This feud is going in so many circles, it’s as if it’s being swung by Cesaro. Quick promo before Priest’s entrance and Morrison keeps trying to talk but gets cut off by the Miz constantly, teasing a breakup, probably for the best and would make a good feud. When the bell rings there’s some very hard hitting strikes and overall a very back and forth contest. A really near fall as Priest goes up to the top rope but after a distraction courtesy of the Miz, Morrison hits a beautiful Spanish fly for a two count. The Miz gets involved again but this time costs his friend the match, as this leads to a hit the lights suplex and a three count for Damien Priest. The break up is imminent, it’s just when exactly all will blow up.

Backstage bonanza P2

Mansoor signs an official Raw contract next, and Sheamus storms in laughing at Mansoor, mistaking him for a business man not a wrestler. He convinces Mansoor to take his open challenge, after sheamus ‘rules out’ Carrillo… yet we all knew he would miraculously return like Norwich to the Premier League every season.

MVP interview, long of the short of it, Braun doesn’t deserve to be in the triple threat and Lashley will put him back in his place, which to Vince is probably platform 9 and 3 quarters.

Party poopers 

Lucha House Party v Cedric and Shelton was next and surely this is where the ex hurt business members got back on track… right? Nope! Alexander gets beaten down by Metalik in the early going before he hits a michinoku driver and gets the tag, momentum shifts as Benjamin continues to attack but he can’t put him away so decides to tag his partner back in. When Dorado is finally tagged in, he goes for a springboard but it’s countered incredibly by Benjamin who hits a devastating clothesline which leads to a two count. However when Metalik is tagged back in he hits the top rope elbow drop and gets the victory... poor Cedric and Shelton! After the match Cedric shouts at Benjamin and exclaimed it was his partners fault they are where they are. He storms off stating the team is done, meaning they broke up quicker than Riddle could smoke a joint.

Backstage bonanza P3 

Angel Garza is walking backstage with a rose when Drew Gulak decides to insult him. Garza is supposed to be a ladies man, but can’t score apparently. So Gulak challenges him to a match. Garza accepts and will shove the rose up his ass when he beats him. Very graphic for an Angel but the match was confirmed nethertheless. 

Benjamin promo followed and he states he let his partner say what he wanted and he can take the hit. He says he will respect him, however I think this respect will last longer than Vince in bed with a milf, so 15 seconds on a good day.

Roses are red and Gulak is dead  

Garza immediately dropkicks Gulak down as soon as the bell rings. Garza punches away at him and dominates the whole 2 minutes the match went. Garza hits the Wing Clipper for the win. That’s it. I literally can’t say anything else and I think I was tempted to throw myself out of a window at this point. Correct winner however. 

High again, it’s me!

Riddle segment next! I’ve decided when Riddle has a segment like this, I’ll have my own little thing. Welcome to High Thoughts with Josh! Today’s thought of the day is:  When the team tag each other in, it will literally be a HIGH five. Anyway before his tag match against Elias and Ryker, Riddle approaches the Viking Raiders and asks if they're  next picks in the NFL draft (raiders and vikings) and I’ve never laughed harder except when I watched the worst wrestling match ever reaction on the Real Rasslin YouTube channel (Cheap plug and I love it!) Orton is still mad from tomatoes but riddle is excited to team up with him.

Ohhhh Elias said he’s gonna win, but we all know that that ain’t true 

Elias and Ryker dominate Riddle early on in the match. Orton tags in and runs over Elias, calling him stupid for throwing tomatoes, but don’t tell Braun he called someone stupid or he’ll go full blown psycho mode again! Orton hits a draping DDT on Elias and tags Riddle in to hit a Floating Bro. Riddle looks like he landed right on Elias’ head, and not in the loving way his wife does. Ryker runs in, but Orton drops him with an RKO. Team RK-Bro get another victory, and it was probably the best thing on Raw this week, yeah it was a tough one ladies and gents! 

McIntyre interview was next in line. basically T-Bar and Mace suck and so do Lashley and Strowman. Because it’s Raw and he mentioned his name, Strowman strolls up and says he earned the title shot and he’ll beat them both at WrestleMania Backlash. Yay... fun.

What a debu.... oh he lost already!

Mansoor ended up deciding to accept the open challenge issued by Sheamus and the match gets underway. I’m not going to lie, I thoroughly enjoyed this match even though it was short. I really needed this shift in pace or even the monster energy drinks wouldn’t have got me through the show. Sheamus was in control for the majority but an impressive Raw debut for his opponent. The United States champion hit the 10 Beats of the Bodhrán and it’s one of the best connections I’ve seen on the move. At this point I’m invested and enjoying the debut of Mansoor due to his fast pacing and incredible selling.... then it happened. Humberto Carrillo attacked Sheamus and caused the DQ. I was pissed and not in the good way like Stone Cold was back in the day. Let’s move on, quickly. 

You dirty bitch!

Alexa Bliss is on her swing set backstage. Basically Bliss says someone has caught the beady little eyes of Lilly, but that’s their dirty little secret, I’m hoping we’re not talking dirty like someone spreading there legs in front of the chairman of the company, it seems like we’re talking about something that actually happened... oh wait we are. Don’t blame Bliss for what happens next but it’s the same segment every week and it moves nowhere. 

Another pointless match! And no, I don’t mean in a good way like the gameshow

Naomi and Lana face Jax and Baszler next. They had an early run, but Jax and Baszler soon took over. Baszler puts the Kirifuda Clutch on Lana to end this match quickly. I think if there was a match over 10 minutes on the show the world would implode, so In that case, cheers WWE for saving the world.

Choo choo you’re getting booed 

Main event time and I can’t say I was enjoying the show thus far but I went into the match with an open mind. A good match between two big beefy boys, and was it main event worthy? I’d say yes! Was it anything special, no. However it did the job and got me more invested in Backlash. A very back and forth contest, as McIntyre watched on from the outside. Lashley must’ve been watching Riddle as he offers a high five to the Scottish psychopath, but he rudely refused. I felt bad for the heel here who was left hanging so I decided to walk up to my screen and give him his high five. The match was slow paced and methodical with plenty of heavy hits, with a weird overuse of the clothesline. No huge spots to mention just an intriguing match up. Unfortunately Drew had to get involved eventually and caused the distraction, allowing Lashley to hit the spear and gain the win. The other challenger who caused the distraction hit the champ with a claymore, which sets up a match for next week on Raw. 

Overall this felt like a long 3 hours but for Raw, it wasn’t actually that bad, a few decent moments with the announcement of the return of Eva Marie. However, wouldn’t say that anything stood out, except the RK-Bro partnership. Anyway thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on Friday for the review of the retro Smackdown!