Raw Round Up 30th August 2021
Another week, another Raw! A decent episode of Raw? Someone sound the sirens because the world must be ending!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! It’s Josh P here with another Raw review. By now we know to go into Raw expecting nothing short of disappointment, however one thing I didn’t think I’d see this week is a literal fight that went off script with two women trying to literally kill each other, we’ll get there! Anyway, let’s go!
A challenge more open than AEW’s doors to released talent!
Damian Priest was the unlikely face that kicked Raw off this week, issuing an open challenge to anyone in the back. Sheamus was first to answer the call, shortly followed by Drew McIntyre, who was briefly cut off by Big bad booty Bobby Lashley and MVP, and RK-Bro decided they fancied getting involved too. MVP and Lashley immediately squared up to RK-Bro before Sonya Deville and ScrapDaddyAP (Yep, still haven’t got over it yet!) came down and said they had two big matches there. It would be MVP and Lashley taking on RK-Bro for the tag titles, and Priest v Sheamus v McIntyre for the US title in a co main event. I don’t know about you but these matches sounded exciting!
Losing more than Curt Hawkins!
What the F*** happened to Shayna Baszler??? One of the most unique and legitimate superstars on the roster has gone almost 200 days without a singles victory! This bad streak continued in her match with Rhea Ripley. Shayna was dominating early, but Ripley came back with a headbutt and a clothesline. She took control hitting a big dropkick and a northern lights suplex. Nia hit a samoan drop to Nikki A.S.H on the outside causing the distraction (because WWE just can’t help having a distraction finish) allowing Shayna to hit the most devastating move in allllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up. This only resulted in a two count as Rhea reversed this into her own variant of the most devastating move in allllllllllllll of sports entertainment; the surprise roll up. However, Ripley must have been practicing more than Shayna as she held on for the three. A distraction into a roll up finish… how original!!!
You can see the Veer in his eyes!
Wordplay turns me on an abnormal amount! Another useless match next, clearly filler as we had the Viking Raiders facing ‘Hinder Me Jinder’ Mahal and Veer. Remember when Vince said every match would now have a meaning and there’d be no more cold matches?
Anyway, the match was underway and Ivar took Veer down with a lariat. Erik tagged in and isolated Veer in their corner using quick tags and effective team work. Jinder finally tagged in and took a big knee strike in the corner. He went for the Khalas but he was tossed outside the ring, and when he got back inside, ate a Viking Experience and took the pin. This match was what I love to call, pure filler.
Threesome of Dreams!
Triple threat for the US title was next, and I was looking forward to it! I still can’t believe Drew can be in this match or even the arena after he tried to literally murder Shanky and Veer with his sword, but we digress. The match begun with Priest and Drew teaming to take down Sheamus. He was thrown to the outside before Damian hit a huge suicide dive. McIntyre joined both men and he sent Sheamus (poor Sheamus!) into the timekeeper’s area, taking him out of the match for a while.
Damian and Drew then faced off in the ring, and traded blows for a while and hit some back and forth moves. Sheamus eventually returned, unlike my dad, and took control. He sent Priest off the apron with his signature 10 beats of Bahrain, before he was hit with two german suplexes and a neckbreaker courtesy of the former WWE champion, AKA attempted murderer Drew. Sheamus fought back before Priest re-entered and took both men down, before being sent to the outside by Drew. Jesus this was a tough match to keep up with! My notes were literally being scribbled at this point!
Drew hit a massive dive onto Priest before hitting a michinoku driver back in the ring. Priest scaled to the top rope, and Drew attempted a huge suplex, however, Sheamus broke it up. He then attempted for the suplex himself but Drew threw them both off and stood tall after. Sheamus locked in the cloverleaf on Drew but Priest managed to break it up, before taking a huge brogue kick, but Drew laid out Sheamus with a futureshock DDT for a near fall before the Celtic Warrior could capitalize. Drew went for the Claymore, but Sheamus dodged him and hit the white noise, but he was destined to take a claymore kick immediately after. This looked to be the end, but out of nowhere, Priest hit the reckoning on Drew for the win and to retain his title.
This match was 100 miles per hour all the way through and it was given time to shine. Three big, beefy, athletic boys battled it out and didn’t take a moment’s break! Matches like these make the US title feel prestigious, which is hindered by the meaningless filler feuds chucked in to fill PPV cards or just for weekly television.
Goldberg was outside the arena in a promo and stated his objective had changed after Bobby’s destructive attack on his son after their match at Summerslam. The goal was no longer to win the WWE championship, it was now to ‘take Bobby Lashley’s soul,’ whoa! Let’s all take a moment here Goldberg, you’re starting to sound like your planning murder, but let’s face it WWE won’t do anything about it. Drew proved that!
More 24/7 title gaga next. Long story short, no one cares and the title needs to be retired quicker than CM Punk was to shoot shots at WWE in his Promo on AEW. Tozawa, Truth and Reginald were at a playground and as usual, Reggie flipped his way to safety.
ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE PAY OFF TO AN ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE FEUD!!!
No. Just no. We were meant to have a match between Eva Marie and Doudrop and it didn’t even happen. Doudrop absolutely destroyed Eva before the match and hit a huge splash, doing the three count herself since the match hadn’t even begun. She then got on a mic declaring herself winner as Eva had done in previous weeks before leaving. I can’t wait for Eva to get a bs win to end the feud!
Chumperto Carrillo gets murdered on live TV
Karrion Kross was back on Raw again this week, with another underused and mistreated superstar he could squash. This week was Humberto Carrillo! To put it briefly and not waste your time, Humberto got a bit of offence in at the start of the match, but Kross dominated after this, before hitting a Doomsday Saito suplex and locked in the Kross Jacket for the quick win.
McGregor v Khabib two!!!
What the F*** happened here? Nia Jax was facing Charlotte and if you haven’t heard already this match transcended into an all-out (Oops can’t say that on WWE television!) legitimate brawl between the two. They literally had a fist fight that Rocky would be proud of! The match was going fine until every shot seemed to get more and more stiff, until it seemed we were in a UFC octagon! I have no idea where it went so wrong, and where it went off script, but it has been confirmed it definitely did! I remember wincing at every shot which connected perfectly and being confused as to why every move was no-sold and why they totally forgot they were on TV. The match ended with Nia Jax hitting her trademark powerbomb which got her the shock win. However, in the fall, you could visibly see Flair trying to escape. So was this the planned finish and winner? Or was Charlotte supposed to win? What a bizarre moment!
Johnny Pissed Pissed
John Morrison was backstage and it’s fair to say he hasn’t got over his partner’s attack last week. He stated his match with the Miz had been cancelled and he wanted to test his abilities by challenging the biggest superstar on the roster, Omos. Great to see he has a death wish!
We then transitioned to this match, and I can’t lie, I was still shocked at what had happened previously. JoMo came with his sex toy of the year, the Drip Stick which Omos knocked out of his hands. Morrison used flips and tricks to avoid everything Omos was trying to hit him with, so it looked like Morrison’s mission was to just survive. Omos eventually hit his trademark slam (I have no idea on the name, neither do the commentators apparently) to get the victory.
XXXavier Woods gets his meat beat!
AJ Styles followed his partner Omos’ match with one of his own against the man himself XXXavier Woods. Roll the beautiful meme!
Still laugh every time I see it! This match began with Woods hitting some huge strikes before AJ sent him to the outside. Woods avoided the dive sending Styles crashing into the barricades, and got him back in the ring for a near fall. AJ came back with a forearm and dropkick through the ropes, he then focused on his opponent’s knee before going for the calf crusher. However, Woods came back with some very unique offence, before AJ hit him with a counter and came extremely close to hitting the Styles clash. AJ went back to the calf crusher and the new day member had no option but to tap out.
RK-Bro are the MVP’s
More wordplay, I may have bust a nut. Main event time now for the Raw tag team titles and for once I was excited for the main event. However, before we go through the match… welcome back to:
This week’s thought: Street lights in video games are technically using real electricity. I can’t lie I’ve sat here for a solid ten minutes thinking about this and this may be one of the best yet! Anyway, we should probably get to the match now! But like WTF! No, Josh! Main event time. Oh yeah, apologies. Let’s go! But… No okay enough!
AJ Styles was on commentary for this match, and Riddle tried for a cheap shot early, but Lashley totally no-sold it before getting a near fall with a suplex. MVP tagged in, but he was immediately sent to the corner where Riddle tagged in Orton, who gave MVP a beating and caused him to flee the ring. Riddle took out MVP and Lashley with a huge dive.
Back in the ring, Riddle was unloading on Lashley, the dirty bastard! This led to a near fall which MVP broke up. Orton was then tagged in, as was MVP, and Randy unloaded on him in the corner, again disgusting! The horny twats need to keep it under control on live TV! Randy hit Lashley with a huge draping DDT before setting up for the RKO, But MVP and Bobhead distracted the viper to counter it.
Lashley took control and hit a few spears in the corner before trying for the hurt lock, but Randy broke free (I’m sure Queen are jealous!) and managed to get the tag to Riddle. He hit a huge strike and then the floating bro, but the pinfall attempt following was broken up by MVP. MVP then hit a huge boot before Riddle took him down with a kick. Outside the ring, Orton sent Lashley into the ringpost before AJ and Omos interfered and attacked Orton. However, back in the ring Riddle hit a huge knee then the floating bro on MVP to get the win and retain the titles.
After the match, Lashley took down Riddle with a spear, but Randy came in and hit the champ with an RKO to go off air. This main event was great and was a solid tag team match that wouldn’t look out of place on a PPV.
And that brings us to the end of Raw! From the off script brawl between Nia and Charlotte, to the two title matches, this episode felt like a breath of fresh air compared to previous weeks, and chucked in a few new matches I hadn’t seen before. Obviously it wasn’t perfect and had some flaws, but overall, this was a decent episode! Anyway, that’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review!