Raw Round-Up 23rd August
Another week, another Raw. Just like Summerslam this show was so tragic titanic can't even compare to it!
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! It’s Josh P back here with another Raw review. After being M.I.A for a few weeks, also known as being on assignment with Wirgal, I am back ready to review Raw and Smackdown. Let’s point out the obvious before we begin, Summerslam was absolutely shocking. So I had no hope going into Raw if they couldn’t even get their second biggest PPV of the year to be decent. A quick spoiler, I was definitely right to have no hope! Anyway, let’s go!
A Priest teaches the man with a big bad booty a lesson… well he tried!
Lashley was out to kick off Raw this evening, accompanied by MVP. They ran through the events of their match at Summerslam, stating Oldberg wrestled a good match but he made Lashley angry which only made the champ stronger. MVP called him a coward before saying they do not owe an apology to him or his son Gage, before Damien Priest came down to the ring. Priest mocked Bobhead for acting like a tough guy before challenging him to a match tonight, added to by Damien stating if Lashley rejected he was a coward. Lashley didn’t take kindly to this and attacked Priest, but he fired back and chased Lashley out of the ring. MVP declared the match was on. Okay guys this is not a drill! The opening of Raw is not a rematch! I repeat it is not a rematch!!!
However, although it wasn’t a rematch, I might’ve even preferred one over this, which is saying something considering this match looks Incredible on paper. Lashley took Damien down straight away, before sending him into the corner for some strikes. Priest fired back with some kicks but ate a big slam, leading to Bobby going for the spear which failed when he was met by a kick to the face. Priest hit some big kicks knocking the WWE champ to the mat. Not bad so far right? Well, it was until Sheamus decided he was bored so rocked up to attack Priest to cause the DQ. Why always a DQ? God save me! I was contemplating covering a fork in acid and shoving it down my throat as McIntyre of all people came out to make the save, which hinted at the next Lashley feud being with Drew… has everyone forgot he isn’t allowed to challenge for the title again???
This then transitioned into a tag team match, and this segment seemed to take up more time than a Charlotte Flair promo. Sheamus and McIntyre started the match off, and the latter dominated the early going until Sheamus finally got the tag to Lashley who took control. Tags were made to both partners, as Priest was dropped on the barricades courtesy of Lashley who wasn’t legal, the court case is currently ongoing!!! Drew was tagged in, only to be hit with a white noise from the top rope. Sheamus went for the finish which was countered by Mr McInthigher, who made the tag. Priest took a knee off a distraction from Lashley who decided he’d had enough as it was past his bed time. Lashley and MVP left the match because… well why not? Sheamus was shocked and Drew picked up the win off the distraction. This whole segment was a total shambles to say the least. The only thing that could get me through this show was a can of monster energy, to refuel my energy and fill my heart with joy. Only £1.45 in all good stores!
Backstage, Doudrop said she was done with Eva Marie, but she would keep the name she gave her… wtf! That’s like rocking up to a new school after being bullied for years being called didi perm, just to say your name on the register is didi perm. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!
What do you do if you lose the NXT title? You just Karri-on!!!
Before we get into the match, we have to talk about Kross’ entrance attire. What. Was. That??? He looked like he was wearing a steel gimp mask heading to a local group orgy care home. Immediately I slated this to the boys in the group, and Adz, the absolute legend himself, made a comparison that I can’t unsee!
Absolutely incredible!!! Anyway, we should probably get on with the match.
The former NXT champ was facing Ricochet in a glorified squash, so it’s great to see how WWE still massively under appreciate our Irish hero Ric O’ Shea! Long story short, Karrion dominated and locked in the Kross Jacket, making him tap out in seconds. Moving swiftly on!
Friendship crushing finale!!!
Moist TV was next on RAW with John Morrison, and the guest for tonight was Logan Paul. The crowd wasn't too pleased with Paul, and he said that he loved the WWE Universe nonetheless. The Miz came out and asked Morrison to introduce him to Logan, but Paul said he was more a New Day fan. Jake Paul has an upcoming fight, so Miz asked Logan in which round would his brother get knocked out. JoMo wasn’t happy with how the Miz was treating their guest. The Miz went off on Morrison about how everything was a rip off of everything he’s done.
Paul left as The Miz had a match with XXXavier woods
Miz started well but Woods came back and took control. Morrison used the sex toy of the year, the "drip stick", but XXXavier sent Miz crashing to the wet floor. I’m not going to ramble on in this match as the after math was much more intriguing. Miz went for a skull crushing finale, but Morrison sprayed him with the drip stick causing the distraction, allowing Woods to hit the most devastating move in allllllllllllllllllllllll of sports entertainment for the win.
After the match, JoMo and the Miz started spraying the crowd with drip sticks, before the Miz absolutely destroyed Morrison and beat him to a pulp. He hit the skull crushing finale before walking out, signalling the end.
Backstage, Rhea Ripley and Nikki Almost a champion for more than 2 weeks agreed to team up to face Jaxuler in a women’s tag match… Yay! Women’s tag match… great!
Tozawa and R Truth were chasing Reginald for the 24/7 title outside. He jumped around to avoid them before leaving in a stolen ice cream truck, so it’s great to see crime is still prominent in WWE.
Riddle was backstage with Randy and they were setting up celebrations for their title win. Randy told him not to do anything stupid.
More DNF’S than a drugged up Russian Olympics team
Mansoor was facing Jinder, and was taking a beating that challenges Ricochet’s earlier. Jinder sent him to the corner and started unloading with kicks. The referee told him to stop continuously but he wouldn’t, so the match was called off. Veer, Shanky and Jinder walked out after as Ali said this was the result of doing things Mansoor’s way, and from now on they would do things Ali’s way.
Priest thanked Drew for helping him out earlier before they made plans to hang out together.
We need…. Charlotte Flair! NO! FUCK OFF
I couldn’t give a flying toss about this promo so let’s be brief. ‘Wow, I’m the best. I should have a statue. Dilly ding, Dilly dong blah blah blah.’ The only thing that got me through this segment was a can of Monster energy. They helped refuel my desire to live, so technically they saved my life. #Monsterislife #Weallneedabitofmonster #daddymonster
Alexa Bliss of all people interrupted, and said congratulations before saying all they wanted to do was say hey before Raw continued as normal.
Elias video package next, saying the old version of him was dead and the new version of him is a future WWE champion in the making. If we see a serious Elias gimmick, I think the world will officially end. It might be interesting to see however!
Women’s tag team bollocks!
Nikki almost a champion for more than two weeks was teaming with Ripley, to face Jax and Baszler.
This match was a showcase for Nikki and Rhea who dominated for the majority, before Nikki took out Jax with a dive and Rhea hit the Riptide for the win.
Morrison was fuming backstage and said he would face the Miz next week.
OH BRO, OH BRO, RKO-BRO!
Riddle was out to celebrate their title win, and asked Randy to join him in the ring. Orton couldn’t do his signature pose in the corner because of the balloons, and there were loads of fireworks, which the viper was not impressed with. Riddle said their friendship was more important than the titles and handed Randy a brand new scooter with tassels on the handles. AJ and Omos walked out to ruin the festivities, and mocked Randy’s new scooter.
AJ said Randy didn’t get Riddle a present, and said he’d got one for him instead, a phenomenal forearm. Styles stated he wanted a singles match against Riddle, and he wanted it right now. Riddle accepted.
The match was about to begin, but what’s this? Oh is it time? Okay sorry I’ll do it now! Welcome back to:
This week’s thought: Out of all the millions of ways to die, if you’re reading this, you’ve avoided them all! Pretty impressive if you ask me! Anyway, on with the match, ay?
The match begun and Riddle immediately went for a roll up, but Styles reversed. Riddle was dominating for a large chunk of the early going. Riddle kicked Styles off the apron, but just like Paul, had problems following through. A technical back and forth between the two, before AJ went for a styles clash but Riddle reversed into a submission. Riddle hit a Broton and a few big kicks for a near fall. AJ started to target Riddle’s legs, making it hard for him to stay on his feet. The former champion locked in a calf crusher, but Riddle smoothly reversed into the Bro-Mission. Riddle hit a knee strike before going up top, but he was distracted by Omos before AJ dropped him. Randy ran at the giant, but he was tossed aside. Randy hit Omos with his new scooter, allowing Riddle to hit the Bro Derrick for the win.
Randy hit an RKO on Styles after the match, as Raw went off with RK-Bro posing.
That was it for Raw this week, and it’s fair to say it was fairly shite. The Main event celebrations with RK-Bro and the Riddle vs Styles match was incredible, however, with the amount of DQ’s and pure crap that was on the show, I think it’s fair to say the only thing that got me through this show was monster energy! Anyway, that’s all from me, thanks for reading and I’ll catch you on the next review!