NXT UK Bytesize: 19th August 2021

We're back again running through the shenanigans on this weeks NXTUK!

NXT UK Bytesize: 19th August 2021

What's up guys and girls! It’s the “King of Real Rasslin” Paul, back again with another bytesized NXTUK review... Actually, I’m lying. It’s Adz here filling in for Paul as he’s away on holiday. So, buckle up as this rides gonna be a bit different to what you’re used to. Let's get going! 

What dya Meiko that?!  

Stevie Turner taking on Meiko Satomura for the NXT UK women’s championship. It was a solid match to be honest  with a lot of back-and-forth action between the two, but let's be honest, if you thought that Meiko was dropping the strap then you’re must be the kinda guy that agrees with releasing Bronson Reed. Anyways, Meiko was accompanied to the ring by Emilia McKenzie who is apparently her protégé/under her wing now? Ok, cool. The match gets going with Satomura taking to the ropes early on dropping some solid strikes on Turner, who turns it around with a pretty swish judo throw.  

Back to the ropes as Turner’s trying to avoid Meiko’s various holds. Stevie gets some offence in after booting Meiko through the ropes like an animated Canadian baby. Ready Ike? Stevie lands some offence afterwards which is swiftly stopped by a Meiko knee strike. Stevie hits a straightjacket stranglehold, and then into a rebound flatliner which Satomura masterfully counters into a cartwheel knee strike, causing damage akin to the banned firework with the same name. Meiko follows up with a Death Valley Driver, then whacks on the STF for a quick tap-out from Turner. Really enjoyable match, Stevie surprised me and as always Satomura impressed. 

Time for one of those video packages that wrestling companies love these days hyping up the Rampage Brown/Joe Coffey feud. It’s their rubber match next week, with the stipulation of submission-or-KO-only. Oh, goody gumdrops! Let's hope they beat each other like a couple of ginger haired step kids. 

Sax my boy, proud of ya! 

Saxon Huxley vs Eddie Dennis next. Nothing to write home about, ‘Cept I have to write about it for you guys. Anyways, some pretty generic action here which is to be expected with these two in my opinion. Saxon and Dennis don’t really do it for me. Eddie Dennis certainly looks like he used to be a maths teacher, doesn’t he? We get a Cactus Jack style elbow off the apron bagging Huxley a two-count before missing a crossbody and Eddie gets a crafty little roll up for another two-count.  

Following on, Eddie goes a scooping reverse DDT, which is neatly countered by Huxley, who hits the crossbody in the ropes he was looking for earlier, before going and taking a trip to the top rope and whacking out a flying clothesline. Huxley picks up Eddie Dennis and hits him with a fireman’s carry slam. I do believe, if my maths is correct (correct me if I’m wrong, Eddie) that this is Saxon Huxley’s first win in about 40 weeks. Just goes to show that if you keep plugging, you too could be a winner like Saxon! 

The post-match replays are cut shot as T-Bone and Primate run out and attack Huxley, with Eddie joining in to finishing proceedings by hitting an assisted Severn Bridge on Huxley. Small price to pay for finally winning, I guess... Moving on. Pretty Deadly are doing squats backstage, fantastic.  

This is not the greatest promo in the world... 

Time for a Jinny promo. She’s shook up about her match with Aoife Valkyrie, with the added bonus Joseph Conners being locked up in a cage at ringside and the match being no DQ. It’ll not be held in the air, unlike in the States. Jinny then gives us the greatest verbal beat down of 2021, by calling Valkyrie a “weak girl,” phenomenal work. 

It’s some kind of “Magick.” 

It’s time for Isla Dawn vs Dani Luna. Night vs Day you might say. Dawn starts the “magick” shenanigans which didn’t impress Luna much (insert Shania Twain lyrics here), who shot for a couple of takedowns, before a simple, yet effective shoulder block took the Scot down. Isla proceeds to grab Dani’s hair to get out of a Fireman’s carry, then trips Luna up before peppering her with forearms and uppercuts. 

After avoiding some kicks, Luna gets tripped again before a low dropkick delivers two-count and continuing to pressure Dani with a Cobra clutch. Dawn looks for to ripcord, but Luna avoids and hits a clothesline, then a big fallaway slam. Reversal after reversal next, like an aggressive game of Uno, finally an Irish whip keeps Dawn on the back burner, as an Exploder suplex lands a two-count, before Dawn came back with a huge kick to the head 

 Dawn bags a two-count with a back suplex. Luna wriggles her way out of a half-and-half suplex, and attempts a deadlift suplex that Dawn superkicks out of. Dawn the heads for the top floor, but gets caught, she pushes Dani down and takes a chunk of hair out of Luna’s head as a souvenir. Isla loves this and celebrates like she’s won the fucking lottery, loses sight of the match and Dani down’s her with a fireman’s carry sit out slam for the three. 

This was weak sauce, like that knock off Big Mac sauce you can buy in giant bottles for two quid that’s simply name “Burger Sauce” and is fluorescent yellow and promises something tasty, but it actually tastes like bollocks. Wasn’t a fan of this match in all honesty, eating 50 Ryvita’s caked in flour would have been more fluid than what was on display here. This outing was as dry as a nun with a towel in a tumble dryer.  

Moustache Mountain is a Pretty Dangerous place... 

Coming to the ring sporting ‘staches that Tom Selleck would be proud of... 

We get underway with Bate and Stoker with Stoker gaining the upper hand on the Heritage Cup champion with a menagerie of wristlocks. Tyler counters by pushing off the ropes, rolling back and arm whipping his way out. A neat little sequence.  

In comes Trent with a series of arm wrenches on Stoker who counters with every high school kid’s signature technique; the Dead Leg. Quality spot, chuckled harder than I should at this. Trent works off the dead leg by landing some offence until stoker makes the tag. 

Howley comes in with a tidy leapfrog leg drop, keeping momentum on Pretty Deadlys’ side, albeit not for long as Trent makes a comeback with a crossbody, a massive arm-drag, and then a leg drop, keeping Howley down for a two count. Tyler is tagged in and we getting a second-rope flipping senton for another two count. Moustache Mountain stay in control until another dead leg takes Bate’s legs from underneath him. Bate makes a comeback with a drop toe hold making Stoker’s moustache become best friends with Howley's ball sack. Remember those Tom Selleck Seal of Approval moustaches that Pretty Deadly were sporting, well call the police because we’ve been a victim of fraud! Fake, every last hair was fake! How do I know? Because big muscly men with actual facial hair ripped that shit off their top lips! 

The match continues at a decent pace. Trent gets slammed by the ropes, but rolls out of the ring to leave Howley with nothing but air between his elbow and the canvas as he comes down with an elbow drop. A pair of tags bring us full circle, back to Stoker and Bate, but it’s Tyler who gets the upper hand here… he catches Stoker as he jumps in the corner, like a hooker catches the clap, but missed a blind tag. An exploder suplex launches Stoker to the other side of the ring before Pretty Deadly retreat outside before eating a Bate suicide dive. Tyler catches Howley on his head with a rolling Koppo kick allowing Bate to hit the Tyler Driver but Howley kicks out!  

The commentary team is getting loud and shouty, as Trent fights back and tags in Tyler for that pretty little Dragon suplex - reboundy clothesline thingy (technical term) which gets a long two count. Trent launches himself outside while Bate goes for another Tyler Driver which gets countered with a back body drop with Bate’s knee taking the brunt of the landing as Stoker follows up with a Giant Swing in to a half crab. Howley throws in the towel, pretending it was Trent who did it as Trent protests to the ref. Pretty Deadly use this distraction to their advantage with Howley landing a belt shot on Bate before the pair hit the Spilt Milk for the win.

A redeeming main event, but when you have Trent Seven and Tyler Bate in a match, its usually going to be a pretty decent outing. However, the middle of the card sucked for me and this is why I tune in and out of NXT UK, the shows are very hit and miss, but when they hit, they hit harder than Chris Brown with a woman. That being said, this episode opened strong and finished strong so that’s something. Trips, if you're reading, sort the fucking mid card out mate. Anyways, Paul is back next week, I've had a blast this week doing this review, it’s been wild. Catch ya later!