MLW: Azteca - Bytesize - 6th January 2022

It's a new year and a new show for MLW! Joshhausen takes you through the savage wildlands of Lucha Libre in the first outing of MLW Azteca!

MLW: Azteca - Bytesize - 6th January 2022

Good Timezone and a Joyous New Earth Rotation to you all! I hope you all had a great time in the holiday season but now it's back to the Major Leagues! (See what I did there?) That's right, MLW is BACK! And It kicks off with it's new mini series, MLW: Azteca!

We start the show greeted by our slick (as in greasy-looking) business man Cesar Duran Duran, and it looks like he's Hungry Like The Wolf! He brings the Sunrise to MLW Azteca on Planet Earth! He welcomes the crowd to the "Best Lucha Libre in the world!" and hypes the crowd up with "Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! chants. and welcomes us to MLW Azteca! So let's Save a Prayer for the MLW Locker room and get on to this show, my fellow MLW Renegades!

This leads us straight into the action with: 

Tag Team Trios Match: Myzteziz Jr, Aramis and Black Destiny Vs Dinamiko, Skalibur and Arez
We get no entrances except for Myzteziz Jr, but in the ring we see each of the competitors.

The bell rings and we begin with Skalibur and Aramis in the ring. They both try to pump up the crowd and Aramis kicks off proceedings with an attempted chop but Skalibur dodges, gets thrown to thr turnbuckle but jumps up, misses a corkscrew dive but knocks Aramis out of the ring with an elbow, Myzteziz Jr hits a top rope hurricanrana throwing Skalibur out of the ring, Myzteziz Jr doesn't stay in the ring long himself as he gets hit by an enzuigiri from Arez knocking him out of the ring but then Arez gets hit out of the ring by a dropkick from Black Destiny who then gets botch-dropkicked out of the ring by Dinamiko who gets thrown out of the ring by a hurricanrana variant from Aramis.

The team of Myzteziz Jr, Black Destiny and Aramis climb back into the ring and start clapping before Black Destiny attempts a dive between the ropes but Skalibur hits him on the head with a chair, Dinamiko and Skalibur enter the ring and knock 2 of the 3 members out of the ring leaving only Black Destiny in the ring. Skalibur dives over Dinamiko onto Aramis and Myzteziz Jr on the outside before he picks them up and holds them in place for Dinamiko to hit a dive onto them from the top turnbuckle.

In the ring, Arez and Black Destiny are going at it, Black Destiny throws Arez out of the ring but Arez hits him with a headbutt on the outside of the ring before hitting a combo of a cutter to a DDT. Dinamiko and Skalibur dive from the top turnbuckles on Black Destiny and go for a pin but Aramis and Myzteziz Jr break the pin. They then get whipped into the ropes but both do a springboard handspring into a dual hurricanrana, throwing Skalibur out of the ring and Dinamiko gets dropkicked out. Aramis and Myzteziz Jr then hit a double dive over the top ropes. 

Arez and Black Destiny in this point are back in the ring, Black Destiny has Arez on the outside of the ropes with Myzteziz Jr and Aramis holding him while he deals kicks, he runs against the ropes but Skalibur and Dinamiko pull Myzteziz Jr and Aramis away so Arez throw in a sneaky roll up which goes nowhere. Black Destiny charges to Arez in the corner and hits him with a big kick. Black Destiny climbs up to the turnbuckle but Dinamiko drags him down. He recovers while Dinamiko taunts. Dinamiko himself jumps onto the top rope and Black Destiny takes the opportunity to hit him with a cutter.

Arez climbs back in the ring after Black Destiny but he crawls out as Myzteziz Jr hits a torneo to an arm drag over the top rope, followed by being thrown over the top rope by Arez, but he counters with a forearm to a hurricanrana off the top rope throwing Arez out of the ring. Skalibur jumps back into the ring and sends Myzteziz Jr over the top rope onto the apron. Myzteziz Jr hits him with a kick, Aramis in the ring hits Skalibur with a swing kick, Skalibur lifts Aramis up but botches a move and just drops him. Aramis gets sent flying off the top turnbuckle he'd climbed onto and then he counters Skaliburs charge into a powerslam. 

Dinamiko comes back into the ring and hits a cutter onto Aramis and sets him up for a 630 rolling senton onto Aramis. Duinamiko hits an up and over onto Black Destiny while Arez hits a double stomp on him. Myzteziz Jr gets hit by a springboard crucifix by Dinamiko then the trio go for a pin but only gets a 2 count.

We go to an ad break but when we come back all 6 men are sharing strikes but Skalibur and Black Destiny fall out of the ring whilst Aramis and Myzteziz Jr slam Arez and Dinamiko into the mat whilst Black Destiny dives onto Skalibur on the outside. They go for a pin but only get a 2. Arez hits an enzuigiri on Aramis while Dinamiko hits a kick to Myzteziz Jr sending him out of the ring. In the ring Arez tries to hit some form of slam on Aramis but Aramis counters it into a Desnucadora de Muscatero (Think of it as a Airplane Spin to a Blue Thunderbomb.) for a 3 count!

Winners: Myzteziz Jr, Aramis and Black Destiny!
This was a brilliant match in my opinion and everything I have come to expect from Luchadores. Fast paced hard hitting action with lots of high spots and just absolute chaos. Couldn't have asked for anything more. Although it was my first time seeing him, Myzteziz Jr left a good impression and as I'd already seen Aramis before, I knew to expect good things.

Some news from over the holidays: Alex Hammerstone has signed a multi-year contract with MLW. 

Alex Kane appears with Alicia after his recent assault from Calvin Tankman, we're first shown the events from that attack, Kane denies that he's crossed the line pressing charges on Tankman. He says that what she's really trying to say is he's scared of Tankman. But they want to talk about the truth and ask where he is. No one knows, but he's apparently out on bail.

He says Tankman can't get his personal and professional life together, but if he does, it'll still end with him choking and the crowd chanting "Bomaye!" We then get a reveal for a match next week:

We then go backstage to Cesar and Carly, they have some sort of Aztec stone seal or plate.. she says it's a "Force that they can't easily control once it's released." Cesar quips back with "Since when have uncontrollable forces ever given you pause?" She laughs and asks if he knows the story of the scorpion and the frog. He says "Intimately, we're both scorpions" 

At this point King Muertes walks in, Cesar declares they are home on their own soil, Carly says "Your Gods require blood and sacrifice." King Muertes asks "Who is the King of Death?" Cesar interrupts and says "Hammerstone and Pagano." King Muertes questions him and says "Very well." Lopez states she won't be able to attend and Cesar ignores this and says he has "A myth brought to life" to assist King Muertes who then turns to Lopez and says "When you return, Hammerstone and Pagano will be no more." That section ends here.. these soap opera bits.. I'm really not sure if I like them much but.. they're growing on me, I guess?

We cut again to past scenes of Cesar and Hammerstone's history. Detailing how Cesar is trying to gain Hammerstone's trust but Hammerstone just isn't having it. Then shows how Matanza was released on Hammerstone and him confronting Cesar about this saying "If he wants to earn his trust, sending his monster brother after him is the wrong move, and if he crosses him again, it won't work out well for him."

Now we move on to the next match:


Richard Holliday Vs Psycho Clown
Holliday is accompanied to the ring by Alicia Atout who joins commentary. Not really sure why she's here. Guess it continues the storyline of Holliday trying to pull her? Couldn't give a shit.

Psycho Clown makes his way down to the ring with two Midget Clowns. Maybe they're children? I like to believe otherwise. He's getting a much better response from the crowd than Holliday did. Not surprising, though.. Holliday is pretty boring in my opinion.

Holliday and Psycho appeal to the crowd with Holliday receiving little to no reception, but Psycho is going down with the crowd in a big way.

The commentary team talk about Cesar's past is a mystery and that he can make people disappear... this is, as my good friend Mickey Mouse would say: 


Image credit: knowyourmeme.com

The match finally begins. They lock up and release a few times very quickly. Psycho gets Holliday into a headlock who reverses it into a wristlock. They trade locks and holds but Holliday uses the rope to break out. They pace around the ring and start trading holds again.

Psycho gets thrown against the ropes but he shoulder bargers Holliday and hits a couple of quick strikes before hitting a hip toss followed by a very sluggish and lazy looking clothesline taking both opponents out of the ring. Psycho gets back in the ring and hits again a very slow suicide dive through the middle rope. Psycho starts pumping the crowd up before kicking Holliday in the face.

Psycho goes back in the ring attempting another suicide dive but Holliday strikes him in the face to the mat from the outside, tries to appeal to the crowd himself but fails. He gets back in the ring and hits a couple of elbow drops onto Psycho, goes for a cover but gets a 2. He drags Psycho to his feet and employs a wristlock as we go to ads.

When we come back, Holliday and Psycho are trading strikes but Psycho blocks Holliday and roundhouse kicks him in the groin. Holliday rallies and throws Psycho clown into the corner, barges and runs to the other corner but Psycho follows him and hits a powerslam to a 2 count. 

Psycho runs to Holliday in the corner but he throws him onto the apron and hits a DDT from the middle rope after a kick to the gut, he goes for a pin but only gets a 2.  Holliday sets up for a powerbomb but Psycho reverses it into a cradle but Holliday gets out at 2. Holliday kicks Psycho in the gut, throws him into the turnbuckle and hits some arm strikes to an uppercut. 

He lifts Psycho onto the turnbuckle onto a torture rack to a side slam, follows with a pin but only gets a 2 count. The commentary team mention that the pin counts have been slow and comment if that's Cesar's doing.

At this point the focus is taken away from the match as Thing 1 comes down and drags Alicia Atout away from the match. (Well they did mention Cesar makes people disappear...? Thanks for the heads up, Mickey!)

While Holliday is distracted, Psycho hits a Spanish fly to a 3 count and wins the match.

Winner: Psycho Clown
This match honestly wasn't entertaining at all. It was extremely slow a lot of the moves looked sluggish, both men looked as if they were somewhat sedated? The only interesting part was the kidnapping of Alicia.

We now have a message from Tag Champs, 5150. They begin shouting again, saying the Von Erichs shouldn't bring up Konnan or they'll beat their asses, take their cowboy boots and.. sell them for booze and women? They mention they're upset they haven't had a chance for tag championships for 40 years because they "can't get the wrestling world wet like they can." Well.. okay then?

After this we have an announcement of a new signing to MLW, and it's one half of the NWA World Tag Team Champions, Bestia 666!



Then we go to the Von Erich camp.. somewhere REALLY DARK with REALLY BAD LIGHTING. Their father says they have a chance at Dallas, and that these are new champions so they need to overwhelm them with a hard, quick assault. Their father says their opponents are scared to death but the brothers are ready. Personal opinion: This is going to be the start of a feud, there's no way the Von Erichs will win instantly. It'll be a feud that probably spans til the next time MLW are in Dallas. The brothers say they hope 5150 don't lose their titles before they get a shot at them. This leads to an announcement:

We go to another backstage segment of Holliday cornering Cesar asking where Alicia is. He says "She is safe and Holliday should be grateful, because what if Psycho Clown got to her?" At this point a policeman comes along saying that he wants to speak to Holliday about actions at a local nightclub last night, Holliday then gets taken away. 

Now those segments are done: 


Apocalypto Tag Team Match: Black Taurus & King Muertes Vs Alex Hammerstone & Pagano
It seems the rules of an "Apocalypto" match are just a straight up no rules brawl.

We have Black Taurus come down first, followed by King Muertes who's clutching a skull. (It'd be cooler if the skull had a mask on it too.. or a hat.)

We then have Pagano who is clearly loved by this crowd as he takes his time going around the crowd, taking it all in. He's then followed by the last but by no means least entrant in this match, our MLW World Heavyweight Champion, Alex Hammerstone.

The bell rings and the men spend no time going into a brawl. Pagano and Hammerstone throw themselves against the ropes but get stopped by Muertes and Taurus who then try to do the same but also get stopped. Hammerstone gets knocked into the corner then out of the ring by a Headbutt from Taurus and a Clothesline from Muertes. Muertes then gets knocked out of the ring himself by a kick from Pagano, leaving Taurus and Pagano in the ring alone.

On the outside we see Hammerstone get hit on the head with a metal dish, then a steel chair, inside the ring we see Taurus taking over the match after some quick kicks from Pagano, but Taurus hits some kicks and strikes in the corner whilst Muertes takes a cheesegrater to Hammerstone's head to the outside. 

In the ring we see Taurus trip up Pagano and then knee him in the head but only for a 1 count. Muertes throws Hammerstone against the ring post and then ramming his head into the guard rail. Back in the ring Pagano has Taurus on the mat but lifts him up then both men share strikes. Hammerstone and Muertes get back into the ring and hit each others partners with a chair and a metal dish respectively, knocking them out of the ring.

Hammerstone and Muertes square up and Hammerstone gets booted in the gut before the pair begin to share strikes. Hammerstone gets whipped into the corner but leapfrogs over him and hits a german suplex. Hammerstone then dropkicks Muertes for a 1 count.

Hammerstone kicks Muertes in the face and bounces off the ropes but Muertes but powerslams him and strikes Hammerstone in the face, lifts him up, strikes Pagano and drags him into the ring by his hair. Muertes takes down Hammerstone while Taurus hits Pagano in the head with the dish.

Taurus and Pagano roll out of the ring with Taurus wielding an umbrella that he then puts back and just gores Pagano over the guard rail into the crowd. He grabs the umbrella again and climbs into the crowd. We cut to Muertes grabbing a camera tripod and then walking away, we then cut back to Hammerstone beating Taurus in the head with a metal dish. Muertes comes over and begins striking Pagano and spears him into the crowd. Taurus then drives Hammerstone into the guard rail into the opposite side. Taurus grabs the camera cables and whips Hammerstone then chokes him with it. (We're reminded this is legal due to the rules of the match)

We then go to Muertes dragging Pagano up the stairs to the stage, then back to Hammerstone hitting Taurus with a baking tray and then again to Muertes suplexing Pagano on the stage and then Hammerstone hitting a big kick on Taurus into the guard rail.

The commentary team make the statement that the match is "all over the place" and they're not bloody wrong! I'm trying desperately to keep some kind of structure here, sorry!

We cut back to Muertes and Pagano on the stage and he just drives Pagano's head into the stage, and Hammerstone drops Taurus onto the apron, he then wedges a steel chair between the turnbuckle as Muertes drags Pagano back to the ring. Taurus whips Hammerstone into the ring and picks up a heavy looking plastic trash can.. he then puts it down but Muertes drives a chair into Hammerstone's ribcage before Taurus literally puts the bin on Hammerstone's head then they choke Pagano with the chair.

We come back from an ad where Muertes is choking Hammerstone with a chair as Taurus sets up floorboards on the outside of the ring. Inside the ring Muertes DDT's Hammerstone into a chair and wails on Pagano's head with a bin lid. Taurus hits Hammerstone with a baking tray and then chokes him with it, Muertes wails on Pagano with the trash can. Taurus leg whips Hammerstone and stomps on him in the corner but Pagano is getting some life back, though only momentarily as Muertes knocks him right back to the mat and proceeds to choke Hammerstone. Pagano proceeds to counter Taurus' assault and hits a ripcord lariat.

Taurus goes back outside to set up more floorboards as Hammerstone takes a quick rest while Pagano and Muertes share strikes. Muertes hits a hurricanrana to a spear but only gets a 2 count as Hammerstone breaks the pin. Hammerstone picks up Muertes and strikes him, Muertes then whips Hammerstone into the corner only to be met by a big boot. Muertes dives into Hammerstone in the corner but Hammerstone moves and Muertes drives himself into the corner. Hammerstone goes for the big TKO and drives Muertes headfirst into the trash can which gets squashed underneath him like a paper cup, but this only leads to a 2 count 

Hammerstone drags a floorboard into the corner of the ring. Taurus climbs back into the ring and hits a bulldog on Hammerstone and gives Pagano a big slap. He whips Hammerstone into the floorboard but he manages to stop before he collides. Taurus charges at Hammerstone looking to drive him into it but Hammerstone sends him up and over, crashing into the floorboard. Hammerstone and Pagano tag team Muertes ending in a blockbuster. Taurus gets slammed into the chair by Pagano. Hammerstone lifts Taurus onto his shoulders, Pagano jumps onto the middle rope and hits a lariat onto Taurus, who then rolls out of the ring. 

Pagano and Hammerstone begin to celebrate but Muertes smacks their heads together then begins going back and forth striking Pagano and Hammerstone in opposite corners but gets stopped by Pagano with a big boot and Hammerstone with a powerbomb.  Pagano dives through the middle rope and hits a suicide senton onto Taurus into another floorboard. Muertes back in the ring hits a lungblower on Hammerstone but only gets a 2 count. Outside the ring Pagano hits a Death Valley Driver on Taurus through YET ANOTHER floorboard. Back in the ring Hammerstone hits the Nightmare Pendulum and it's all over!

Winners: Alex Hammerstone & Pagano
This was a great match! Pagano and Hammerstone worked together really well despite it being their first time as a tag team, Muertes and Taurus put on a good show with Muertes looking quite dominant at a lot of parts in the match, however for Taurus apparently being a "myth come to life" by Cesar... he didn't really show off to be the monster he should've been. Nonetheless, this was a good match and I really enjoyed watching it, even if it was all over the damn place!

While the winners are being announced, we cut to Cesar Duran Duran on the stage, He has a View to a Kill and  runs his thumb across his throat in the usual manner to symbolise someone gon' die, he wants to make Hammerstone Come Undone! At this point, Pagano hits Hammerstone over the head with a baking tray, knocks him to the ground and starts a pretty ruthless beatdown. Muertes stands and watches before assaulting Hammerstone himself alongside Taurus.

At this point, Cesar's Henchmen, Things 1 through 5, come on out to ringside and carry Hammerstone off as the show ends with the commentary asking: "Where are they taking him?" A good question, which we hope will be answered next week!

Well! This was certainly a energetic return to form in the new year for MLW. Azteca was a really good show... the middle match could have been better, to be honest. But the first and last matches certainly made up for it. I'm always up for some Lucha Libre so let's hope that continues! Please join me next week when we continue our journey through MLW Azteca! Until next time, Joshhausen out!